My Life isn't going anywhere.
And it isn't.
I really hate talking to my oldest sister about anything.
Especially about school and life.
How she says it, and how her tone is, it doesn't help. It doesn't help the fact the words come out of her mouth make it sound 10x worst than it should be.
She doesn't know what's going on. She doesn't know that I've already talked to my other sister about my life and what i should be doing.
She has to understand that i'm fucking aware what's going with this family. I'm fucking aware that Lyn isn't going to be around later on. I'm fucking aware that my mom is going to retire very well soon in the future. And I'm trying fucking hard to do what i need to do.
Sure, the only thing I'm not working on is my driving... but I'm a lazy fuck what do you want from me? I maybe thinking stupidly about everything, but driving is the one thing I don't want to fail again. I know that practicing does help, but when someone is having me drive so fucking far in my mom's car, when she's aware of milage and the gas, It's fucking annoying to hear her complain about it.
Even anything.. I rather fucking wing my driving test. Heck, I haven't practiced at all this month and my test is in two weeks.
But whatever... back to the subject of this ...
Yes, I'm an idiot to be registering for a class at De Anza, knowing the fact that it's farther, but my sister told me to look at the school and it's classes, then register for whatever I need from there.
If she wants to know I want to do with my life.. it was to be an international major in linguistics, travel abroad, and teach english, but I really wanted to do was to major in Graphic Designing. And yet, knowing that there won't much of a life from that nor income, I had to put that dream away. You know why? Because my mom kept pushing the idea of going towards something more medical that's why!
yes, I'm babied too much by her, but you know how many times i've tried not to be?! I'm trying hard to help her pay shiet with money i'm barely making. I'm looking for another job for fuck sakes!
But of course, i can tell she doesn't believe me... how can she? she only believes what she wants to believe.
And its fucking annoying.
Again, this is why i don't talk to her about school or what i want in my life.
I know i should be something with my life, and i know that I should be thinking about what I want, but it doesn't help with how she said it.
22 .. yeah... whatever...
I'm a sad, might as well be slightly depressed at this moment, 22 year old who's mind keepings changing about what i want in life.
I think this is why like talking to Lyn more than Manang.
I really hate talking to my oldest sister about anything.
Especially about school and life.
How she says it, and how her tone is, it doesn't help. It doesn't help the fact the words come out of her mouth make it sound 10x worst than it should be.
She doesn't know what's going on. She doesn't know that I've already talked to my other sister about my life and what i should be doing.
She has to understand that i'm fucking aware what's going with this family. I'm fucking aware that Lyn isn't going to be around later on. I'm fucking aware that my mom is going to retire very well soon in the future. And I'm trying fucking hard to do what i need to do.
Sure, the only thing I'm not working on is my driving... but I'm a lazy fuck what do you want from me? I maybe thinking stupidly about everything, but driving is the one thing I don't want to fail again. I know that practicing does help, but when someone is having me drive so fucking far in my mom's car, when she's aware of milage and the gas, It's fucking annoying to hear her complain about it.
Even anything.. I rather fucking wing my driving test. Heck, I haven't practiced at all this month and my test is in two weeks.
But whatever... back to the subject of this ...
Yes, I'm an idiot to be registering for a class at De Anza, knowing the fact that it's farther, but my sister told me to look at the school and it's classes, then register for whatever I need from there.
If she wants to know I want to do with my life.. it was to be an international major in linguistics, travel abroad, and teach english, but I really wanted to do was to major in Graphic Designing. And yet, knowing that there won't much of a life from that nor income, I had to put that dream away. You know why? Because my mom kept pushing the idea of going towards something more medical that's why!
yes, I'm babied too much by her, but you know how many times i've tried not to be?! I'm trying hard to help her pay shiet with money i'm barely making. I'm looking for another job for fuck sakes!
But of course, i can tell she doesn't believe me... how can she? she only believes what she wants to believe.
And its fucking annoying.
Again, this is why i don't talk to her about school or what i want in my life.
I know i should be something with my life, and i know that I should be thinking about what I want, but it doesn't help with how she said it.
22 .. yeah... whatever...
I'm a sad, might as well be slightly depressed at this moment, 22 year old who's mind keepings changing about what i want in life.
I think this is why like talking to Lyn more than Manang.
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